Tuesday, December 21, 2010

4 Days Away

Well with Christmas just 4 days away, I guess we cannot postpone our gift shopping, food shopping or putting those last trims of decoration up. It came so fast this year. Seems I just moved to Texas and now its Christmas in Texas ... our first one away from home, our California home and family. I will sure miss them, getting together, and just spending time with each other. We have our Texas family and they are loads of fun so I know the holidays will be filled up with things to do.

But as much as the holidays are full of excitement and merriment, for me, they are also filled with sadness. This is the 5th Christmas my son will not be with us. I can remember when my kids would all wait till everyone was up and then all rush into open presents .. even when they are older, I loved seeing the excitement on their faces. Nothing brings me more joy. And oh I remember Erich had this certain laugh he would do every time he opened a gift..the girls do it now!! With all the excitement of gifts theres still that hole, that emptiness that Erich filled. He loved Christmas so much ... I know in my heart his Christmas is even better than ours, but on this very special day of the year that does not bring me much consolation; my heart breaks that he is not here. I will however put those feelings inside of me, and make this a wonderful and happy day for my girls as they deserve all the happiness in the world.

Tomorrow is cookie baking day at my cousin Jamie's house so cannot wait. Yummy cookies and fudge, and seven layer bars, almond roca ...oh I cannot wait to taste each of them!

I want to wish all of you women out there a very Merry Christmas ... one filled with much wonder and joy!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Coco Chanel

I am so excited ... I got the movie Coco Chanel from Sherry over at Shanty Girl and cannot wait to watch it. My mom has worn Chanel No. 5 for as long as I can remember; I love the fragrance!

We would like to continue to pass this movie along for all of you to see it and write what you think of it, so whoever wants it next please let me know and it will be on its way as soon as I watch it!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Finding Yourself

Do any of you ever wonder who you really are, or who you are really meant to be? Are we who we are because we are living up to someone elses' expectations? Or are we who we want to be? I ask myself that question alot, and I think I am living up to someone elses expectations and not my own ... and at 55 years old that is sad. Sad and frustrating at the same time, that I do not have the courage to burst out of this "image" and become that woman I feel every day inside of me. Fear grips me like no other and I am not sure why. Did I grow up in an environment that was so stifling it hid everything I am suppose to be? Why is it we hang on to the past? Why can't our emotions and psyche let it go?

Or maybe I am the person I am suppose to be ... I see myself boring, sad, lonely with nothing to offer the world ... sounds pathetic doesn't it, but is true ; that is how I feel. The one thing in my life I am so proud of are my 3 children...they are my accomplishment and yes that is enough but they are grown up and no longer need me in the same way; my identity needs to be reworked and that is what I am struggling with right now. That identity of a "mom". Oh don't get me wrong I still love being a mom, but now it is my time to also be something else and that is what I wonder about everyday.

Should I be a writer and artisit or just continue in the same boring job I have been in for 21 years? Should I jump out of airplanes or ski the highest mountain ( I am so fearful of heights)? I don't have a "bucket list", maybe I should, so that someday I won't look back on my life and see as my only great accomplishment ... my children.

I read so many blogs from amazing woman who have found the courage to stretch their wings and venture out. Everyone says just do it. Easier said than done. How do I just dance naked in the house, sing at the top of my lungs ... won't someone judge me for that? How do I learn to carry on conversations with people and offer something to that conversation without someone thinking I was silly or stupid because i said the wrong thing.

How do I get over being critisized and judged by the people I love ... loved ones should never judge or critisize. Loving is unconditional.

2011 is the year I want to find myself ... if anyone out there has any suggestions ... throw them my direction. I want to be free of all my inhibitions that prevent me from being the person fighting to get out everyday.

Thanks for listening.

Monday, December 6, 2010

First Canton Outing

I went to Canton last Friday and all I can say is WOW! I have never been to a place like that and never seen so many "old things"! My cousin and I were commenting on how we really feel old when we see things we grew up with being sold as "antiques"!

I loved it though and we didn't even get thru half of it. There is so much to see and it would take days to see it all. I am sure so many of you have been there, I had not even heard of it before however since I know it's pretty well known. Well I could not resist and did buy a couple of items. One thing I had to leave behind (how sad) was an old wardrobe chest. It was in great condition and a great price but had to draw the line somewhere!! lol

vintage lace and pin

old mail box from Junk Palace ... looks great with a plant in it!

wall hanging made in Mexico ... takes 4 days to get paint to look old

tin ceiling panel ... am going to put vintage pictures in each of the squares

old scale ... how I love old scales. this is my 3rd one!

Cannot wait to go back in January ... hey maybe my wardrobe will still be there. well hope everyone is busy getting ready for Christmas, know I am!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Wow December 1st ... that means Christmas is 25 days away. Yikes, it seems every year it gets here faster and faster once Thanksgiving is over! There is so much left to do ... today I start .. lol.

I found this questionnaire over at Lindsay blog and its cute so maybe you all can do it also ...

Wrapping paper of gift bags? Most assuredly wrapping paper. What would Christmas morning be without the mess of paper all over the place? I mean that is all part of the Christmas tradition. Gift bags go so fast, wrapping paper lasts .. its the anticipation of unwrapping and getting the first glimpse of what is inside of this beautiful paper! I love it. At our house we unwrap one gift at ta time to make it last even that much longer and then besides every gets to see what you get! We have so much fun doing it that way!

When do you put up a tree? Usually we put the tree up about two weeks before Christmas. It seems they die off so fast so we wait a bit before we get it. I see people getting trees the day after Thanksgiving and they have to be crispy by the time Christmas gets here. When the kids were little we use to go cut down our tree, and it was so much fun. Not sure where they do it here in Texas??

Real or Artificial? How can one even ask that question ... real of course. The smell of a Christmas tree is like no other smell. How can yo get that with an artificial tree. Its family tradition to all go out and pick out and agree upon a tree! I remember one Christmas in California it was raining and cold out and we took the girls and just went down to Target and the first tree Lindsay saw she said that's it and we got it! It was a pretty tree but took all of 5 minutes.

Do you like egg nog? Oh no, not at all. My one daughter like it and my husband likes it. Erich use to like it also! I remember growing up my mom and dad had a tradition that after the tree was decorated we would sit and admire our tree while drinking egg nog ... homemeade egg nog, and back them I had to drink it (dad made us!) Now we have diet coke, dr. pepper and water! That's been our tradition with drinks.

Favorite gift received as a child? Wow now that's been awhile ago, not sure I can remember. I can remember through pictures and because I had that doll until just this past summer. It was a big plastic doll, seemed big at the time with the cutest red dress and I hung on to this doll until this past summer when we had our garage sale. My girls didn't want her so I let her go. (was hard to do)

Do you have a nativity scene? Well I use to, again, until this past summer when I sold it at a garage sale. I hadn't put it out in awhile. There was nothing special about it so off it went to another family. I remember though when we first got it my daughter was real little and took baby Jesus and she broke it so we had to use a little plastic baby of hers to be baby Jesus. Probably will not get another one, they don't do much for me.

Hardest person to buy for? Hands down my daughter Lindsay. she is so picky about clothes and that's mostly what she wants. She usually has to take about 1/2 the items back after Christmas! She needs to make it easier on this ol' Santa!

Easiest person to buy for? My other daughter Aarika. She loves everything. Jewelry, clothes, nik naks, baking things. Anything I buy her she loves! (well mostly)

Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither. I don't give out Christmas cards but I will email letters to those who are close to me.

Favorite Christmas Movie? Miracle on 34th Street. Great family tradition of watching it two or three times during the holidays! Know the movie by heart.

When do you start shopping for Christmas? After Thanksgiving. can't really get into the mood of doing it before. Seasons need to be in order and so can't do shopping before Thanksgiving! But once turkey day is over...watch out, here I come!

Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My sisters shortbread cookies. Oh my they are so good. She isn't here in Texas this year so am not going to get them, but they are yummy!

Clear lights or colored lights? I switch off. I like them both. Clear makes the tree more beautiful, and colored lights more Christmasy!

Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night. I love that song and about cry every time I hear it. Celine Dion does a beautiful rendition of this song; however many years ago I went to my kids Christmas recital and one of their fellow students sang that son, and oh it was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. I hope she went on to pursue her singing. I will never forget her singing that song.

Travel or stay at home? travel, or at least for the past five years. this Christmas will be our first at home since my son Erich died. Not sure how I am feeling about that. So many traditions and quirky things ended when he died and I know my girls miss them also. No matter where we are I love watching the girls open presents and watching how excited they get.

Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph and three more and my mind just went blank!! (old age!)

Angel on tree or star? Neither. I put anything from a bow, to a snowman to Santa Claus. I never have had a traditional tree topper. never have really liked the star bit...angels, may be one day I will get one of thoe to top it!

Open presents Xmas eve or Xmas morning? Definitely Christmas morning. NO doubt. Everyone waits till I get up and ready. have to put fireplace on, Christmas music going, use to gt Erich up and dressed all the while the girls are just waiting ... must I say impatiently for me to finish everything. even as they get older they still are little girls at Christmas and I love it!

The most annoying thing about Christmas? Traffic. Crazy drivers at this time of year!

What I love most about Christmas? Family. Getting together with the ones I love and just sharing the day with them. Also watching my girls open their presents, and my son-in law ...he says he has never had a Christmas like ours before and that makes me feel so good!

I would love to hear everybody else's replies so chime on in and answer the questions!

Merry Christmas!