Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year. I love the idea of giving thanks to what we have, to those in our lifes, and for all of Gods gifts that he bestows on me during the year. There are times when I am down when I think that I have nothing to be thankful for ... but thats not true. I have everything to be thankful for. Most importantly I am thankful for my loving family, my husband Jim, who puts up with my many moods, for my daughters Aarika and Lindsay who everyday make me laugh, and for my son-in-law Tony who treats my daughter like a princess. And I am so thankful for the most amazing 24 years with my son Erich. I have an amazing extended family here in Texas and am so thankful that they have "taken us in" and included us in their lifes.

And I am thankful for my mom and dad who are amazing, they are in their 80's and still drive cross country to visit family; my sister who I don't see much as she has become a world traveler, but who I know I can call up and bare my soul to; to my brother Jeff who endures so much pain yet always has something positive to say to me and to my brother Brian, who sees the best in life regardless of the situation. I love them all and am so grateful for each of them.

I forget sometimes how much I do have in my life and I need to remember this everyday not just around the holidays. Family is what's important.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

Erich -

"If tears could build a stairway and memories were a lane,

We would walk right up to heaven and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken, no time to say good-bye

You were gone before we knew it, and only God knows why."

Erich you have been gone for six years now and in some ways it seems that it was only yesterday that we were all sitting together in the lving room watching the USC/UCLA game and eating chips and dip, but in other ways it seems it has been an eternity since I have seen you, hugged you, heard your crazy laugh, listened to your quirky jokes and listened to you and Lindsay and Aarika go at it at dinner time! Remember, if you stop talking, its no longer your turn??!!

Life goes on Erich and so much has happened since you left us; I know you keep up with all that has haapened in all of our lifes, but its not the same. Its not the same that you are not here experiencing it with us. I miss you more than these words could ever type on this page or that I could ever express. My heart hurts for you but I know that you are happy where you are and you are without your wheelchair and any sort of pain. You are getting do to do all you were not able to do on this earth and that makes me so happy. I Will always carry you with me and keep you close to my heart.

I love you kiddo.

A Little Late

I know I am a little late on this post but just not had the time to sit down and write it. This 4th of July was probably the most patriotic 4th I have spent in many years and it was really special. It was special because I really got the meaning of what the holiday was all about. It may have taken me 55 some odd years but it was more than just fireworks for me this year.

I went to a concert in the park where they played patriotic music and then had a fireworks show with music and it really did move me. One section they honored all the service men and women by playing each of the songs for each of the branches of the armed services and the people stood up who were in these branches..it was really moving. Then we sang America the Beautiful and Glod Bless America, and more than ever it gave me goose bumps. The whole thing was just real special and I am so grateful to be an American Citizen!

Happy Anniversary

Today is my 9th Year Wedding Anniversary! You may all laugh at this but this 9 years is a record for me, so we must be doing something right! I met my husband actually back in high school and then 30 years later met up again online and before you knew it we were married! A quick courtship. Its had its ups and downs and laughter and lots of tears but through it all we have stuck it out and I am grateful for that. I love you Jim.

Missing Family

Never did realize how difficult it would be to be away from my girls! I surely do miss them ... seeing them every week ... it's not the same 1400 miles away and talking on the phone.

Missing my mom and dad and brothers and sisters also. My dad emailed me today to thank me for his Texas Pecan Pie and I just started to cry.

Don't ever take family for granted ... far or close always love them and cherish them.

Success

It is sometimes strange to me when I am feeling something and then something I read or hear is so related. Today I read the assigned posts from creativity Boot Camp Spring Training and it so applied to my last post ... here is what she wrote:

"...a huge lesson for me was that if I was going to be successful, I had to be successful as myself. I couldn't be successful doing what other people were doing. I had to do what I believed in and what felt real to me and what felt true to me, "because the worst thing to be is successful as someone else." - Shawn Carter

"..I knew that I had to let go of other people's perception of my work. I couldn't base my success on what others thought is successful. I have to define success for myself.

Struggling

Seems lately I have been struggling with what to do in life. I am almost 56 and still dont know what I should be doing and what my real passion is? Do any of you out there have that same problem. I love to create and I see all these awesome some sites of women creating and love their work, but what is unique to me is what I am struggling with??? I can take someones else idea and make it my own by changing it up but whey cant I ever think of my own ideas. It is so frustrating. How do I dig deep into my soul and find out whats there. I struggle with this day in and day out.

Now trying some sewing crafts to see if that is where my passions lie. I like putting things together; don't like drawing but can put together stuff real well, I am creative like that so hopefully I will create something I fall in love with with sewing or with fabrics...who knows.

Morning Pages

Have or are any of you practicing writing "morning pages?" I am doing the Spring training Workshop and one of the suggestions was doing morning pages which is an idea gotten from the Artists Way. It is writing three pages of just cursive writing in the morning to clear your mind. They say that after doing this for several weeks, it clears your mind and your creativity and intuition is so much clearer. New ideas and things come to mind and solutions to problems. And on and on.So I am going to do it, in fact I started today and write my three pages. You are to do it every morning before your day starts and just write and write,no editing, no reading just writing. Lets see if it works!!

Hope all have a happy memorial day weekend!

All Alone

I am officially an "empty nester". Both my daughters are now moved back to sunny California and i am here three states away in Texas. I never imageined my family would be separated by three states let alone three cities, but here I find myself in this situation. It is sad for me. I cannot just run down the street and visit them, now I have to make plans and take time to go and visit them...not sure I am liking that. But I promised my husband at least two years in Texas, soI have to stick to that. It is not that I dont like Texas, I do like Texas, I like my home, living near my cousins, but I too, also miss Simi Valley. Not so much California but Simi Valley where I lived for thirty some odd years. where my kids grew up, got married, graduated and where my son died. How do I leave that history behind. I am not the kind of person that can do that. There is no history here for me in Texas. Sure I have maybe 40 some years to make it, but do I really want to make it when my entire family lives in California?

It is hard to be away ... in the meantime I will take some writing classes, some art classes , go visit places in Texas i have never seen, and make the best of it.

There are times that I think all a mother can do is just to love and support her children regardless of the decisions they make. My 19 year old decided she did not like Texas and had to get back to California so I had to let her go. Too young in my opinion to be on her own. But she upped and moved and so far, although it has been a bit rough, is doing fairly well. It is not always what we as mothers want, but as long as she is safe and has a roof over her head and food in her stomach I have to let her go and spread her wings.

Then there is my other daughter Lindsay and her hubby Tony who also do not like it here in Texas and although they are working here, they just do not want to be here. So much so that it is making my daughter sick. Not Texas but the idea that she lives here and not in California. There is this draw to California and I guess if I were her age I would want the same. Thats where she grew up, thats her home and where all her friends and most of her family are. She doesn't want to be away from them. Although she is leaving her mama in Texas by herslef...lol, I would rather she be with Aarika and they have each other.

So much for my big plans that everyone would live happily ever after here in Texas. I guess visisting and living here are two different things. So the girls say.

As for me...I will not come to a conclusion just yet and give it more time .... that is of course unless my daughter has my grandchildren!!

Happy Mothers day to all you bloggers out there! I do not have all my kids with me this mothers day and this is the first time. Aarika is in California and get to see her next Sunday..woo hoo, but thank goodness I have one here still...although not for long. Lindsay invited me to lunch today to Chipotle..yummy, I love that place. It was so nice just sitting outside eating and talking just she and I. We don't get the opportunity to do that much so when we do, I love it, thank you Lindsay.

I am also not able to be with my mom today who has been my role model. She is an incredible mother who although she had her many downs and ups she has always been there for us kids and I love her forever. She is 83 and she and dad just took a driving trip out to see me a couple weeks ago!! You go mom!

I LOVE YOU LNDSAY AARIKA AND ERICH WITH ALL MY HEART

My gosh I think summer is upon us! It is 91 degrees outside and I thought this was still spring! Not sure we really had spring out here in Texas this year. first spring here and it seemed sort of hot.

Last night my hubby and I went out with my cousins to Chuys...love that restaurant. Had a blue Hawaiian..pretty good drink but prefer pina coladas and margaritas over it. Then went to a car show where all the muscle cars are..kinda cool. Beautiful cars and some that reminded me of when I was in high school and knowing the guys that drove those cars were real cool...lol. Then went and drove to CowTown Speed Way..talk about your out in the country hick speed way...I loved it though.Got to go back to that and actually watch some races.

Tomorrows mothers day and first one I have not had all my kiddos with me. Lindsay is still here but I am thinking tomorrow she is going to tell me she is leaving for California again. They don't like it her and as much as I don't want her to go I also don't want them to be so unhappy. I hope this works for them.

Well happy mother's day to all you bloggers out there, enjoy your day!

You know how sometimes you take a class and you wonder if it is working or not ... well in the Soul Restoration course I am taking I was wondering that, but you know what? What they say does sink in ... this morning at 5:30 (when i get up to go to gym) I just did not want to go, I wanted to sleep so I lay there awhile and kept say to myself , as Soul Restoration taught us to say... "she did it anyway." So I am thinking of the phrase and I was so tired but I had to do it anyway. So got up and went to gym and felt better for it after all!

Tonight going to one of those "romance" parties. My cousin is hosting it so should be quite fun...especially with margaritas and daiquiris!!

Again, it has been forever since I have been on. Guess I think I don't have anything to write but then I read other peoples blogs and they just write about random stuff so guess I will start doing that!

I have been taking Christy Tomlinson's She Art Workshop and am loving it. It is so much fun working with different textures and paints. I love it. Cannot really draw the "She" but like all the other parts. Also am doing Soul Restoration online and it has been great. Lots of journaling and art with that course to. I am amazed at all the wonderful classes and art projects I have found through you alls blogs...its been great. Keeps me busy. Don't even want to work anymore just want to work on my projects. Not good for the paycheck if I do that though so get up early in the morning go work out at Curves and then come home and usually craft for about an hour and then of course I do it in the evenings! I love it.

I am finally settled into my new home and my veggie garden is doing so wonderful. I cannot believe how fast veggies come up. I planted squash, cucumbers, radishes, carrots, green onions, cantaloupe, watermelon, tomato's...cant wait till they produce my veggies!

I have been loving all the lightening and thunder we have been having. Never got it in California so its a real treat for me. The skies light up so beautiful. Not liking the tornadoes and devastation those storms have caused though.

So that's my catch up...not much but will try and just write from now on....

Hi All it has been a while since I have blogged. Have been super busy getting my house in order, things put away and pictures hung. I think I hung my last pictures in my husbands office today...that is until I acquire some more. Looking for a vintage picuture of a woman to put in my bathroom, so got to go peruse those antique stores!

My daughter and her husband are moving out next week, so it Will just be me the hubby and four dogs!! Will surely be quiet for awhile. Will miss them all more than they realize.

I need to get started on my crafts. Seems with work i never have time. i sign up for all of these online classes and then cannot do them as of work...how do you all manage the two things?

Have a happy Weekend. going to my aunt and uncles for their 60th wedding anniversary! Cannot even imagine that...Happy Anniversary Aunt Barbara and Uncle Dick!

Blue Bonnetts

It is Springtime and I saw my first Blue Bonnets the other day, actually on the first day of Spring, which was yesterday! They are beautiful. I cannot wait till all of Texas is in full bloom with them.

Our new house is almost ready. We have been moving in little by little and by Friday night we will be all moved in. It is so nice to open the doors and hear the birds, and roosters, and wind blowing and wind chimes chiming...I love it!

My Hero

I read about heroes over at Shutter Sisters. And they were talking about the unnoticed, silent heroes ... these heroes are our sons and brothers and husbands, sisters, mothers and wives, but they are not the normal heroes that may be saved someones life, these are heroes every day of their lives because they live life with challenges. You may notice them, you may stare at them and wander, you may ignore them and some, may even poke fun at them; but people that do this, don't know what it is like to live everyday with a challenge; to know what it is like to just get up in the morning and the energy and work it takes just to do the simple things like drinking a cup of milk.

I wish our society taught people to be more compassionate but it has to start in kindergarten. They have to integrate these children who become adults into our society as equals from day one...not put them off into another class or room. So many people forget about these heroes of ours..if only they got to know them, they would see what wonderful and beautiful people they are. They are just like you and me, they laugh , they cry, they feel joy and they feel pain; they have their ups and they have thier downs ... and they are like you and me.

God put these heoroes on earth to teach us all about compassion and love and differences and tolerance...so many people miss this lesson and if only they looked and listened and heard and actually saw these heroes.

My hero is my son Erich. He had Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and died 5 years ago at the age of 24. He was so full of life and ambition and love ... he just wanted people to accept him as he accepted them. He is accepted now in heaven amongst all the angels. He lives on as my hero on earth and my angel in heaven.

An Empty Nest

I seem to be getting closer and closer to the empty nest. So many parents look forward to this time in their lives, but have to tell you...I am not. I love having my kids around and next month I will be without any around. In fact they will even be out of state.

When we all moved here to Texas never in a million years did I think 6 months later I would be left here with no kids, but that's whats happening. Seems they just don't like Texas and cannot wait to get back to sunny California. I know my daughter and her husband would have moved out as they were only here as a temporary thing but my other daughter Aarika, 19 seems so young for her to be in another state and on her own. I always thought she would be at home till about 22.

This whole thing about living my life now and all of that..i lived my life when my kids were here, that's part of who I am. Now I have to figure out who I am without them. I'll still be a mom but not a live in om like I was. that part of my life will be over and I am not sure I am ready for that.

It is sad for me, when I think about it I cry. I miss Aarika so much and when Lindsay goes next month..it will be even harder having them both gone. What to do next????

Favorite Things

I got this from Lindsay over at Sweet American Honey and it looks like fun so thought I'd see what I came up with ...

Favorite Time of Day -Mornings. I am a morning person, can get up and start the day right away

Favorite Season - Summer, I like the heat

Favorite Month - December, for the holidays

Favorite Holiday - Christmas, although thanksgiving is a close first

Favorite Subject in School - History

Favorite Channel - Don't Have one

Favorite Color - red and any shade of red

Favorite Song - Don't have one

Favorite Movie - hmmm, so many Dr. Zhivago

Favorite Celebrity - Ed Harris - always thought he was so sexy

Favorite kind of Music - Country

Favorite TV Show - Criminal Minds

Favorite Thing To Do - Be creative

Favorite Place in the World - Italy

Favorite Hobby - making things

Favorite Animal - Yorkshire terrier

Favorite Place to Live - Not sure yet

Favorite Place to Vacation - tropics

Favorite Restaurant - Islands

Favorite Food - Chips

Favorite thing to Cook -Mexican food

Favorite thing to Drink - diet coke

Favorite Chore - yeah right ...!

Favorite Makeup Product - hydroxtone

Favorite Hair Product - hair dye!

Favorite Lotion - Victoria Secret Pear

Favorite Perfume - Sarah Jessica Parker's Lovely

Favorite Memory - camping with my children in Sequoia and going on road trip back to Illinois and most recently my daughter's wedding..it was everything she and I had always planned!

Favorite Blogger - Sweet American Honey

Favorite thing to Blog About - have not decided

Favorite Book - don't have one, but like autobiographies and biographies

Favorite thing to Wear - jeans and sweatshirt

Favorite Kind of Day - warm, slightly windy and crystal clear

Favorite Job - having my own creative store

50 Random Things

I found this on Mrs. Yellow Ribbons blog and thought it was a good way to get to know someone. It is 50 random things about yourself. So here is goes in no specific order ...

1. I rolled my hair in orange juice cans when I was a teenager so my hair would be straight.


2. Today I wish I had that curly hair back


3. I hate putting silver ware away in the dishwasher


4. I always dreamt of being Annie Oakley when I was little


5. I had a little kitten my PaPa gave me named Frisky, when I was young


6. I always beat the boys in elementary school in arm wrestling as I was so good!


7. My folks made me wear "clodhoppers" to school and I would take them off on the way to school and put on tennis shoes


8. My folks would not let us ever wear fish nets and when they finally said we could, they were out of style!


9. I had to put cucumbers on my eyes the night before my first wedding...I was crying.


10. I roll my hair up every day no matter what I am doing.


11. I would love to grow my hair long now but don't have the patience


12. I never wear fingernail polish


13. I love pedicures and facials and shoulder massages


14. I wear the same jewlery all the time -- wedding ring, mothers rings, bangle bracelet and gold hoops


15. I fear something will happen to my daughters everyday - I pray to God to keep them safe


16. I don't shave my legs very often in the winter


17. I sleep in sweats and a sweat shirt - real romantic!


18. I love the wind


19. I lived through two huge quakes in California


20. I love thunder and Lightning


21. I like chaos from children in the house


22. I do not like a quiet house


23. I love peanut butter and mayonnaise on saltine crackers


24. I love corn bread with chocolate pudding and biscuits with white gravy


25. I hate vegetables


26. My folks would make me sit at the table until I finished every last vegetable on my plate


27. I like to clean the house


28. I hate cleaning showers


29. I love my kids beyond belief


30. I would give any thing to see my son just one more time


31. I love my two yorkies -- Phoebe and Finnegan


32. I married a guy I knew in high school some 30 years later!


33. I never was able to please my dad


34. Want to please my dad still to this day -- whats wrong with me??


35. I like big hair


36. I dont ever wear mouse or any products in my hair


37. I want to grow a garden of vegetables


38. I have the same routine every morning -- wake up , walk to bathroom, plug curlers in, turn on shower, take shower, dry off, brush teeth, floss, rinse, dry hair, roll up hair, put on makeup, take curlers out and get dressed! Everyday same thing


39. I hate heights


40. I love lakes and rivers


41. I wish I could water ski


42. I want to make a photo book of the disabled -- they are so mistreated in our soceity


43. I want to do something in honor of my son


44. I love pictures on the wall and pictures and paintings of peoples faces


45. I cannot wait till my daughter has a baby


46. I love to decorate my house


47. I know I spend too much money but its usually not on me but stuff for my house


48. I wish I were not so afraid to try new things


49. I wish I could carry out my creativity more


50. I cannot believe I could think of 50 random things!

Now lets see 50 random things about you!

Workin' Away

My husband and I are working away at the new place trying to get it ready to move into. Have to paint and peel off old wallpaper, shelf paper ... cannot believe people still use shelf paper,it makes such a mess. The colors we picked are lookin' good. Neutral colors but I like them alot! So couple more weeks and we will be moved in then we start on the gardens! can't wait!

Home grown tomatoes...I love 'em!

Lookin' out back

Back of house

My One Acre

Well I got my house!!! super excited, cannot wait to get in. Putting my husband to work this weekend in preparing to paint entire house...what a job, but know we can get it done within the month. I know it will look totally different when we are done. Seriously, the way some people decorate and color their homes is kinda scary!!

I cannot wait to get started on my vegetable garden and I have always always wanted to grow and old english garden...they are just so gorgeous. Lets see how well I can do at these!

My Almost One Acre

I have found the perfect home that I have been looking for since I got here in Texas. It is not so much about the home, it is about the lot. It is almost one acre, full of trees and plenty of space for a flower garden and vegetable garden. I am so excited. the house is not so great but I can make do and make it look nice...but the lot ...I love it!! Wish me luck!

Another One Gone

It's been a sad but proud week for me...my youngest 'angel babe" daughter moved out and back to California. Last week my husband and I helped her move all her millions of clothes and what not up to Santa Barbara, California, in with her cousin. Its a small apartment but it's one she can call her own, along with her cousin and her cousins friend. They all sleep in one room, all take turns in the same bathroom...but its her own and she is on her own.

It is sad though ... she is the last of my kids to leave (altho my other daughter Lindsay is only living here temporarily with us till she moves out AGAIN in April). I am one of the many women with "empty nest syndrome." I know it is suppose to be a grand time and I am sure in time I will enjoy it but I was the type of mom that loved commotion and chaos and alot of noise from kids, and now my house is almost empty. What do we do when this happens? What do we do to fill the time we use to use taking care of the kids and worrying about them .. altho I will still worry, probably more even now that she is on her own!

I am so proud of her, she is only 19 and just needed to spread her wings a little. She is the daughter I pretty much raised on my own as her father was not around. I must say I did a pretty good job in raising her also. Although she is stubborn as all get out, has a mind set all her own and there is no changing that, is most definitely a "fashionista", she can put an outfit together out of paper bags if she had to; an amazing make up artist and just a beautiful soul! I love her to death and will miss her everyday but I am happy for her as she is doing what she wants to do!

I Am:

I Have ... the most wonderful family

I Want ... to be happy

I Have ... to lose weight and get in shape

I Wish ... I knew what I wanted to do in my life

I Hate ... having to watch my weight and what I eat

I Fear ... not ever finding out who I am

I Hear ... the wind blowing

I Search ... for meaning in life

I Wonder ... what heaven is like

I Regret ... not going to Paris when I had the opportunity in college

I Love ... my husband and children ... and yorkies!

I Ache ... to find a great area to live

I Always ... second guess myself ... and then end up not doing anything

I Usually ... curl my hair everyday

I Am Not ... who I want to be

I Dance ... not very well, although I wish I could!

I Sing ... in the car

I Never ... smoked pot

I Rarely ... drink - - maybe I should and I would have more fun!!

I Cry ... talking about Erich

I Am Not Always ... sad

I Lose ... precious moments being sad

I Need ... to let go and be happy

I Should ... wake up and be grateful for everyday and what I do have

WHO ARE YOU?

I got this from sweet american honey

Back from California

Hi All, Just returned from Sunny California this past Sunday evening...and I mean sunny. It was in the mid 80's back there and beautifully clear!! could not ask for better weather. It's no wonder people still want to live there even though it is one of the most expensive places to live.

Always hard to leave there to come back to Texas. I do like Texas but I think I have realized that California is my home and it is so comfortable. I am trying to adjust to Texas though. So only time can tell what our final decision will be as to where we end up living!

Signed up for another photo shop class through Digital Montage studios. Cannot wait to get that going. Missed the Brave Girls workshop though as I was out of town and figured a week gone out of six weeks is alot of time. I am hoping they have another one.

BRAVE GIRLS

I just ran into this most amazing website yesterday for woman called "Brave Girl Club"! Have any of you heard of this? Have any of you gone to their Brave Girl Camp? It sounds like an amazing soul searching and inspirational adventure for women. I looked for this years camps and unfortunately they are all filled up but I put my name on a waiting list for the one in October. Sure hope someone backs out so I can go!

Have any of you taken their online course called "Soul Restoration"? I am abut to sign up for that and see what this is all about. It looks amazing! go to their site and check it out ...


Brave Girls Club

Happy New Year

Happy New Year All! Seems forever since I have blogged so guess it's about time I got to it again. It is definitely winter herein Texas...everything has gone dormant...my beautifully colored tress have dropped all their leaves! It is so different here than in California where in the winter everything is at its greenest...miss that!

I been busy and finally got started on some crafts .. I have made a cloth rag wreath, a paper wreath out of book pages; working on a bottle art and have almost completed a birdhouse. It;s been alot of fun. Actually I could not sleep last night so got up at 3:30 am and completed my paper wreath!

I am starting a writing class next week so am excited about that. Its learning to write "The Personal Essay." Am taking it through UCLA extension!

Well time to get busy and start visiting blogs again...I get such great ideas.

Hope your holidays were fantastic!

Beautiful fall trees in front yard

Birdhouse and start of bottle art

fabric rag wreath

Start of Paper wreath of book pages