4 Days Away

Well with Christmas just 4 days away, I guess we cannot postpone our gift shopping, food shopping or putting those last trims of decoration up. It came so fast this year. Seems I just moved to Texas and now its Christmas in Texas ... our first one away from home, our California home and family. I will sure miss them, getting together, and just spending time with each other. We have our Texas family and they are loads of fun so I know the holidays will be filled up with things to do.

But as much as the holidays are full of excitement and merriment, for me, they are also filled with sadness. This is the 5th Christmas my son will not be with us. I can remember when my kids would all wait till everyone was up and then all rush into open presents .. even when they are older, I loved seeing the excitement on their faces. Nothing brings me more joy. And oh I remember Erich had this certain laugh he would do every time he opened a gift..the girls do it now!! With all the excitement of gifts theres still that hole, that emptiness that Erich filled. He loved Christmas so much ... I know in my heart his Christmas is even better than ours, but on this very special day of the year that does not bring me much consolation; my heart breaks that he is not here. I will however put those feelings inside of me, and make this a wonderful and happy day for my girls as they deserve all the happiness in the world.

Tomorrow is cookie baking day at my cousin Jamie's house so cannot wait. Yummy cookies and fudge, and seven layer bars, almond roca ...oh I cannot wait to taste each of them!

I want to wish all of you women out there a very Merry Christmas ... one filled with much wonder and joy!

Coco Chanel

I am so excited ... I got the movie Coco Chanel from Sherry over at Shanty Girl and cannot wait to watch it. My mom has worn Chanel No. 5 for as long as I can remember; I love the fragrance!

We would like to continue to pass this movie along for all of you to see it and write what you think of it, so whoever wants it next please let me know and it will be on its way as soon as I watch it!

Finding Yourself

Do any of you ever wonder who you really are, or who you are really meant to be? Are we who we are because we are living up to someone elses' expectations? Or are we who we want to be? I ask myself that question alot, and I think I am living up to someone elses expectations and not my own ... and at 55 years old that is sad. Sad and frustrating at the same time, that I do not have the courage to burst out of this "image" and become that woman I feel every day inside of me. Fear grips me like no other and I am not sure why. Did I grow up in an environment that was so stifling it hid everything I am suppose to be? Why is it we hang on to the past? Why can't our emotions and psyche let it go?

Or maybe I am the person I am suppose to be ... I see myself boring, sad, lonely with nothing to offer the world ... sounds pathetic doesn't it, but is true ; that is how I feel. The one thing in my life I am so proud of are my 3 children...they are my accomplishment and yes that is enough but they are grown up and no longer need me in the same way; my identity needs to be reworked and that is what I am struggling with right now. That identity of a "mom". Oh don't get me wrong I still love being a mom, but now it is my time to also be something else and that is what I wonder about everyday.

Should I be a writer and artisit or just continue in the same boring job I have been in for 21 years? Should I jump out of airplanes or ski the highest mountain ( I am so fearful of heights)? I don't have a "bucket list", maybe I should, so that someday I won't look back on my life and see as my only great accomplishment ... my children.

I read so many blogs from amazing woman who have found the courage to stretch their wings and venture out. Everyone says just do it. Easier said than done. How do I just dance naked in the house, sing at the top of my lungs ... won't someone judge me for that? How do I learn to carry on conversations with people and offer something to that conversation without someone thinking I was silly or stupid because i said the wrong thing.

How do I get over being critisized and judged by the people I love ... loved ones should never judge or critisize. Loving is unconditional.

2011 is the year I want to find myself ... if anyone out there has any suggestions ... throw them my direction. I want to be free of all my inhibitions that prevent me from being the person fighting to get out everyday.

Thanks for listening.

First Canton Outing

I went to Canton last Friday and all I can say is WOW! I have never been to a place like that and never seen so many "old things"! My cousin and I were commenting on how we really feel old when we see things we grew up with being sold as "antiques"!

I loved it though and we didn't even get thru half of it. There is so much to see and it would take days to see it all. I am sure so many of you have been there, I had not even heard of it before however since I know it's pretty well known. Well I could not resist and did buy a couple of items. One thing I had to leave behind (how sad) was an old wardrobe chest. It was in great condition and a great price but had to draw the line somewhere!! lol

vintage lace and pin

old mail box from Junk Palace ... looks great with a plant in it!

wall hanging made in Mexico ... takes 4 days to get paint to look old

tin ceiling panel ... am going to put vintage pictures in each of the squares

old scale ... how I love old scales. this is my 3rd one!

Cannot wait to go back in January ... hey maybe my wardrobe will still be there. well hope everyone is busy getting ready for Christmas, know I am!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Wow December 1st ... that means Christmas is 25 days away. Yikes, it seems every year it gets here faster and faster once Thanksgiving is over! There is so much left to do ... today I start .. lol.

I found this questionnaire over at Lindsay blog and its cute so maybe you all can do it also ...

Wrapping paper of gift bags? Most assuredly wrapping paper. What would Christmas morning be without the mess of paper all over the place? I mean that is all part of the Christmas tradition. Gift bags go so fast, wrapping paper lasts .. its the anticipation of unwrapping and getting the first glimpse of what is inside of this beautiful paper! I love it. At our house we unwrap one gift at ta time to make it last even that much longer and then besides every gets to see what you get! We have so much fun doing it that way!

When do you put up a tree? Usually we put the tree up about two weeks before Christmas. It seems they die off so fast so we wait a bit before we get it. I see people getting trees the day after Thanksgiving and they have to be crispy by the time Christmas gets here. When the kids were little we use to go cut down our tree, and it was so much fun. Not sure where they do it here in Texas??

Real or Artificial? How can one even ask that question ... real of course. The smell of a Christmas tree is like no other smell. How can yo get that with an artificial tree. Its family tradition to all go out and pick out and agree upon a tree! I remember one Christmas in California it was raining and cold out and we took the girls and just went down to Target and the first tree Lindsay saw she said that's it and we got it! It was a pretty tree but took all of 5 minutes.

Do you like egg nog? Oh no, not at all. My one daughter like it and my husband likes it. Erich use to like it also! I remember growing up my mom and dad had a tradition that after the tree was decorated we would sit and admire our tree while drinking egg nog ... homemeade egg nog, and back them I had to drink it (dad made us!) Now we have diet coke, dr. pepper and water! That's been our tradition with drinks.

Favorite gift received as a child? Wow now that's been awhile ago, not sure I can remember. I can remember through pictures and because I had that doll until just this past summer. It was a big plastic doll, seemed big at the time with the cutest red dress and I hung on to this doll until this past summer when we had our garage sale. My girls didn't want her so I let her go. (was hard to do)

Do you have a nativity scene? Well I use to, again, until this past summer when I sold it at a garage sale. I hadn't put it out in awhile. There was nothing special about it so off it went to another family. I remember though when we first got it my daughter was real little and took baby Jesus and she broke it so we had to use a little plastic baby of hers to be baby Jesus. Probably will not get another one, they don't do much for me.

Hardest person to buy for? Hands down my daughter Lindsay. she is so picky about clothes and that's mostly what she wants. She usually has to take about 1/2 the items back after Christmas! She needs to make it easier on this ol' Santa!

Easiest person to buy for? My other daughter Aarika. She loves everything. Jewelry, clothes, nik naks, baking things. Anything I buy her she loves! (well mostly)

Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither. I don't give out Christmas cards but I will email letters to those who are close to me.

Favorite Christmas Movie? Miracle on 34th Street. Great family tradition of watching it two or three times during the holidays! Know the movie by heart.

When do you start shopping for Christmas? After Thanksgiving. can't really get into the mood of doing it before. Seasons need to be in order and so can't do shopping before Thanksgiving! But once turkey day is over...watch out, here I come!

Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My sisters shortbread cookies. Oh my they are so good. She isn't here in Texas this year so am not going to get them, but they are yummy!

Clear lights or colored lights? I switch off. I like them both. Clear makes the tree more beautiful, and colored lights more Christmasy!

Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night. I love that song and about cry every time I hear it. Celine Dion does a beautiful rendition of this song; however many years ago I went to my kids Christmas recital and one of their fellow students sang that son, and oh it was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. I hope she went on to pursue her singing. I will never forget her singing that song.

Travel or stay at home? travel, or at least for the past five years. this Christmas will be our first at home since my son Erich died. Not sure how I am feeling about that. So many traditions and quirky things ended when he died and I know my girls miss them also. No matter where we are I love watching the girls open presents and watching how excited they get.

Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph and three more and my mind just went blank!! (old age!)

Angel on tree or star? Neither. I put anything from a bow, to a snowman to Santa Claus. I never have had a traditional tree topper. never have really liked the star bit...angels, may be one day I will get one of thoe to top it!

Open presents Xmas eve or Xmas morning? Definitely Christmas morning. NO doubt. Everyone waits till I get up and ready. have to put fireplace on, Christmas music going, use to gt Erich up and dressed all the while the girls are just waiting ... must I say impatiently for me to finish everything. even as they get older they still are little girls at Christmas and I love it!

The most annoying thing about Christmas? Traffic. Crazy drivers at this time of year!

What I love most about Christmas? Family. Getting together with the ones I love and just sharing the day with them. Also watching my girls open their presents, and my son-in law ...he says he has never had a Christmas like ours before and that makes me feel so good!

I would love to hear everybody else's replies so chime on in and answer the questions!

Merry Christmas!

Day #8 - Things I Like Least About the Holidays

The thing I like least about the holidays are the family gatherings. I know that may sound so odd to so many of you, but I grew up watching those silly Christmas movies and as a child that is how you want your holidays to be; even as an adult I want the holidays to be like that. But they are not. Oh they are with my immediate family, my children and husband, but not so much with my extended family. Seems there is always tension and we cannot thoroughly enjoy ourselves. One Christmas I would like to rent a cabin and have everyone come up there, not buy any presents, say away from the materialistic and get to know one another again; make homemade gifts; cut a tree down; sing Christmas carols; sit around the fire and have one of those Christmas I always hoped for ...

It is different these past five years, or actualy going on six years without Erich, my son. The holidays make it so obvious someone so important is missing from your family. For six years I have not even spent Chrismtas at home. I can't bear to be home with out him on Christmas. The girls and I and hubby always went away to the mountains, to hotels, to anywhere but home.We are home this Christmas and I am afraid to do it...afraid because he won't be here. Oh my gosh he and the girls loved Christmas together ...what a site to see and hear!

We have to remake our Christmas traditions now so that we can enjoy it once again ...Erich would want that for us. It is hard to do though, it is safe and comfortable in the old.

Day 6 - Gift Ideas (What I Would Want!)

Gift Ideas ... it's always hard for me to come up with ideas for gifts for me. I much prefer buying for others.

HAPPY SHOPPING FAMILY ...and you know I love anything you get me!

Day 5 - Favorite Holiday Movie

Favorite Holiday Movie ... hands down is Miracle on 34th street ( new version) I love that movie. My kids and I watch it every Christmas two or three times and still get all sappy when we watch it. I watch it when I decorate the house and then again the girls and I watch it when we decorate the tree. Its become a tradition for so long now I cannot remember not watching it during Christmas.

I also love watch all the movies on FALALALA family movie station. There are so corny but make you really in the mood.

Day 4 - Budgeting for the Holidays

Budgeting for the Holidays...well that is NOT my area of expertise. I know I should wait until a week or so before Christmas to buy the clothes for my girls but if I wait that long they may not have anything left. so I buy early and unfortunately I buy alot. But it is so much fun. I love giving gifts for the holidays. Much more so than even receiving them. Its just so fun to see if I picked right, if they like it...some years I do great then there are those years where I picked very poorly and everything gets exchanged...lol! But it is still so much fun.

So I am the worst one to ask for budgeting advise for Holidays! Sorry about that!

Happy Shopping.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all the wonderful women in blog land. It has been such a fun experience and pleasure reading all the blogs out there..makes me feel like I am part of a community.

Wow Thanksgiving just kind of snuck up this year but I am ready. It is 8:11 am and all the goodies I am bringing to the meal are done! My cousin is having it over at her house with about 21 people...can't wait. I love big crowds for this day ... family, friends, good food, games, football ... who could ask for anything more.

But there is more to Thanksgiving ... it is a day we should all be grateful and thankful for all that we have...oh, we may not have everything we want but I do believe we have everything we need.

I am thankful for my husband. He is a step dad to my children and loves them like his own. It is hard for him to be in this role. I don't always make it easy; neither do the girls, but he is a trooper and keeps on, no matter what. I love him dearly for that. And I am thankful for the love that he has for me and for his unending patience.

I am thankful for my two daughters who are the joy of my life. They bring me so much happiness. I have watched them grow up into such warm, beautiful, charming women; each unique in their own way; each with their quirky behaviors; each with a "bitchy" side; and each with a love that is endless.

I am grateful, blessed and thankful that I had 24 amazing, awesome and beautiful years with my son. I miss him more each day and Thanksgiving, besides Christmas, was one of his favorite holidays...he loved those mashed potatoes and gravy! I am recently beginning to have faith and believe that my son is happy, disease free, and perfecly OK in heaven with all that God gives to him.

I am thankful for my handsome and charming son-in-law who loves and adores my daughter like no other.

I am thankful for my family, both far and near. If it were not for family ... life would be empty. Family gives you your foundation and balance in life. My family can be brutally honest and yet loving; they can be funny and crazy and mixed-up and that makes me love them even more.

And last I am thankful for my life. It may not be the life that I dreamed about years and years ago, but it is my life, and it is a life with unending possibilities. It is time I embrace those possibilities ...

Happy Thanksgiving and may your day be blessed with family and friends!

Day 3 Christmas Challenge

Day 3 - Memorable Gifts

How do I cut it down to top two memorable gifts...there have been so many!

The first one is a marble statue of the "Pieta" that my son Erich gave me years ago. It holds special meaning that only a mom who lost a son can understand...it sits out and reminds me of Erich everyday...he too understood the meaning of it when he gave it to me.

The second gift is the three mothers rings that my children gave to me ... one for each child with their birthstone. I wear it with my wedding rings every day.

I do have a few more that are real special ...

One is a porcelain fairy ... it is about 30 inches and has the most beautiful face and long red hair. My husband gave it to me on our first Christmas together. And the last one is a stuffed "junk bear" my kids gave me . It is the cutest thing.

Day 2 - Christmas Challenge

Day 2: Black Friday / General Shopping Tricks and Tips -

As good as sales may be I never go out on Black Friday. That is one day that will get me out of the Christmas season.

Do as much shopping as you can online ... did it last year and hardly stepped foot in a store.

Go to the mall to enjoy yourself ... AFTER you have done all your shopping on line.

Go to the outside mall in the evening when its cold .. wrap up like it's winter, feels so much more like Christmas that way.

Walk around with your favorite person, get some hot chocolate and listen to the Christmas music while watching all those crazies do their shopping.

Whatever your mode of shopping is ... just remember the real reason for this season.

Happy Shopping!

Christmas Challenge - Day 1

I got this Christmas challenge over at my daughters blog who got it from Ally's blog and thought it might be fun to join in.

I really cannot believe Thanksgiving is here this week and then Christmas. It always seems to just pop up and it's here. It comes and goes so fast and it is the best season of the year. Being in Texas for our first Christmas will be different as I don't get to spend it with my immediate family however my Texas family is great and I know it will be so much fun!

Day One - Christmas Holiday Traditions

* Usually always put up Christmas decorations day after Thanksgiving ... this year however have done it already as I want my cousins to see my house decorated!

* Always watch Miracle on 34th Street while decorating and while putting up our tree. I love the newer version of it... my kids love that movie also!

* Hallmark Ornaments fill my tree - I started a tradition when my kids were born and if there was a series that started the year they were born, I began that with them. My son started off with trains, but Hallmark ended that, then cars, but ended, so after two series ended, I just got him whatever he was interested in that year! My older daughter gets the houses and 27 years later Hallmark still has that series going...I love it. She may be getting tired of them ...but I love em! My youngest daughter ... I get her whatever she is interested in that year and boy does it vary from sports to cooking! I love our tree with all these ornaments...and oh I still have all the ornaments my kids made in elementary school!

* Christmas morning ... always made the kids wait in there room until everyone was ready. I have the cutest pictures of when the kids were little and they would be just waiting to come down stairs or run out of their rooms. Patience kids ...patience! Sometimes just to torture them a bit, I would take my time getting ready!! (lol)

* Oh and the cinnamon rolls. We have to have the canned cinnamon rolls every Christmas ... yummy!

* The last tradition ... to make Christmas last longer, we open gifts one at a time. I love it this way as it lasts about hour and a half, this way the anticipation just builds!

I hope you all join inthe fun at Ally's blog.

Great Truths #2

Another Monday for Great Truths #2 ... Great Truths that Adults Have Learned

Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree

Wrinkles don't hurt

Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held it's ground

Laughing is good exercise .. it's like jogging on the inside

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber ... not the toy

Have a fantastic Monday!

Sunday

My daughter had this cute fill in the blank post, so I thought I would play along with it also ...

I kick start my day with ... A DIET COKE ... or two or three!

Other daily essentials ... yogurt and granola and sometime during the day salty chips!

My recent splurge ... driving back to Texas from California, my husband and I had a Dairy Queen LARGE ice cream dipped in chocolate ... the best ever!

Can't stop watching ... Criminal Minds

Top Shop ... J Jill

Working out to ... Curves (change stations now!)

Signature Scent ... Sarah Jessica Parker's LOVELY

You won't find me ... ever eating cooked vegetables

I heart ... my three kids, my son- in law and my husband

Beauty Indulgence ... nothing better than a facial

Dreaming About ... starting a business

Hope you all had a great Sunday, now onto a busy week!

Back in Town

Back in town from San Angelo. Had a great time visiting with my aunts, uncle and cousins. Saw some beautiful parts of San Angelo I had not seen before. Have not always been crazy about west Texas, but there are some parts that are real pretty. Of course we went to my favorite store in San Angelo, Eggmeyers. Best store ever, has something for everyone! And every time we go we take a picture sitting on the bench in front of the store.

I did a little antique shopping but must not have been in the mood as I did not find anything, came home empty handed, so was a bit disappointed. I think I need lessons in what to look for when it comes to smaller items. I know what I like in larger items and furniture but its the smaller ones not so sure about???

We did do one craft. My cuzin' thought it might be cute to make stockings, but instead of the normal stocking, make them out of UG Boots (not the real ones!). So off we went in search of things to decorate our boots with. It was fun creating these stocking s with them....of course we had input from cuzin's husband, my uncle and aunt and had such a great time ! Of course my cuzin' is not so good with a glue gun and don't know how many expletives were said that night!!

Now off to a busy week with Thanksgiving and all....




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TEXAS THURSDAY

It's Texas Thursday and I am on my way to San Angelo. Cannot wait to stop at all the antique shops along the way...maybe I will get lucky and find some great things! Looking for some items to decorate a cloth wreath, make a top hat and make something for pink christmas!

What's great about Texas this week ... the weather. I love that it is turning cold and the leaves are changing colors. In California we did not have seasons, so this is so beautiful to see. And I love the cold weather so I can wear my sweaters and sweatshirts. They feel so cuddly!

Running out of time...here I come San Angelo! Have a great Thursday!

HAPPY WEDNESDAY

Happy Wednesday! I am so excited to be hooking up with Jamie and Lindsay to do "What I'm Loving Wednesday". My daughter does it and has such sweet things to share so thought I would try it out. Not that I have things to share like she does ...

I love that I am going to visit my aunt and cousin in San Angelo for three days and I get to go to all the antique stores along the way!

I'm loving that I got to relive my daughter's wedding all over again as she just received her wedding video ... what a great day that was!

I'm loving that my husband and I started to yak while away in California!

I'm loving that my family doesn't get mad at me when I don't call them for over a week.

I'm loving that it is finally getting cold outside and I can start wearing sweatshirts.

I'm loving that my family is all together in Texas ... even though

they don't all want to be here.

I'm loving that I got my plastic Starbucks cup yesterday ...

been waiting since last Christmas to get one!

I'm loving that the holidays are here .. I love listening to Christmas music!

I hope you all have a great Wednesday ... and are loving it!

Great Truths

For the next few Mondays, I am going to post truths about the SUMMARY OF LIFE. I found these from Sylvia at overthehillblogspot.com and thought they were so funny. What a great way to start a Monday ...

Great Truths That Little Children Have Learned:

1. No Matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If you sister hits you, don't hit her back; they always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3 year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a dust buster and cat at the same time.
8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts
10. The best place to be when your sad is Grandma's lap.

Enjoy your Monday!

Where is Home?

I have been away from blog land for several days ... had to take a trip back to California for work. Strange to be back to a place I lived for thirty some odd years. As my husband and I drove down into Simi Valley, I just started to cry. He couldn't understand why, as he is so glad to be out of California, but for me it is mixed feelings. Driving down into the valley of Simi felt so comfortable. I know every knook and cranny there is to know; all the streets, the shops, places to eat...I know my way around like the back of my hand, and with that comes the comfort of home. I made a huge mistake by going by the house we left; it is still empty and the blinds were open so I looked inside...too many memories. I wanted to be back in that house. I wanted to be home again. I told my husband to call the landlord and lets re rent it. I had to have that home again, I had to feel like I was home again. I had to be close to Erich again, to the memories we all shared as a family. All week I struggled with wanting to be there; and it was no easier when I left. It was too soon to go back and see my home where my kids grew up, where my son died and where my son is buried. It was so hard to leave him once again, but I know that I will need to do this over and over, and I only hope it gets easier.

When I moved o Texas I told myself I would live here for a year and In one year determine if I wanted to stay or go back to California. I do like Texas, I do wish I lived in a different area. Texas to me is about living in the area of my cousin...for years and years that is how I envisioned living here and when we moved here and could not move into that area, it threw me. I live in an area that could be in Simi Valley except the houses are brick. I don't want this type of area. I want to live out in the country, where the trees are, where your neighbors aren't whispering distance away; where my dogs can run around and bark at rabbits and critters and where i can walk outside and see a million stars.

When I left California, I cried for a few hours, i wanted to be back so bad. But as I drove further away from California, my ache for home eased up a bit .. i knew I was headed for my new home and I knew in my heart that i had to make it work. I have wanted to live in Texas for so long; well I am here so I need to find out what the force was that keeps calling me here. I will stay and I will find that force.

It's BLUE MONDAY

I am not at home to take pictures of blue things in my house so went searching on the internet to find some beautiful BLUE ITEMS .

What can be more beautiful than seeing a BLUE herron flying! Incredible.

bLUe can have a calming effect ... makes the time passs more Quickly ...

A "thunder" blue sky with an old barn

Blue is calming ... it can be steadfast and strong or light and friendly.

Blue bonnets of Texas spring time ... I cannot wait!

I hope everyone is enjoying their Blue Monday!

Back Home

I traveled to California over the weekend...I had to come back for work for three days; but it seems it's too soon for me. It might sound funny but, I have only been away from what was my home for almost 30 years, for just a little over a month; and as much as I like Texas, one month is not enough to make it like home. It is my dream and hope that it will become my home...

Simi Valley, has a part of me still here and it is difficult to come back knowing I once again have to leave. See, I left my son here at Assumption Cemetery. My family told me I should wait for at least 6 months before I move him to Texas, but its so hard to have part of me left in California. I know what you are all thinking that my son is with me wherever I go, and yes I know that, but I am also want him close to me. It brings me comfort going to the cemetery and sitting with him and talking to him. With me in Texas and him here, I cannot do that.

It's also hard to see all the familiar surroundings and all the memories my kids and I had here. I know I will eventually get over the difficulty of coming back to Simi but this trip is hard ...

I BELIEVE

I was going to blog about Texas Thursday and another interesting fact I have discovered in this great state; however I was over reading my daughter's blog at ANAMERICANSWEETHONEY and she did her blog today on "I BELIEVE..." It so amazing how much a mother can learn from their child or even a friend doing a blog. Could it be because we are writing and we are free and not afraid because we are writing for no one but ourselves? There is nobody judging us and what we say...but it all comes out; we purge our souls and we let the world in when before we wouldn't let our closest friend in...

I BELIEVE ...

In holding hands ...

In wearing tennis shoes with jeans ...

In not wearing shorts ...

In screaming at the top of my lungs when riding my waverunner ...

In putting my children above all else ...

In wearing boots all year long ...

In curling my hair with hot rollers ...

In big hair ...

In wearing lots of sweatshirts in the winter ...

In eating cornbread with chocalate pudding ...

In eating chedder cheese with hot apple pie ...

In winning ...

In turning left if you dont have to turn right ...

In thunder and lighting ...

In wearing flannels to bed all year long ...

In taking a shower as soon as I wake up ...

In drinking diet coke first thing in the morning ...after the shower

In sleeping with my little pups ...

In going to the movies ...

In having alone time ...

I believe my son is always with me ..

And, when I talk with my son, he hears me ...

I believe there is a God ... yet I do not know him ...

I believe that there is an artisit within me, but afriad to come out ...

and a writer within me, with a story to tell ...

I believe I am capable of loving more, but afraid to open up my heart ...

and ...

I believe I am a woman and mother who wants to live life to its fullest ...

and ...

I know I am afraid ...