Sunday, October 17, 2010

Five Years Ago

Yesterday was a day that a mom should never have to live through and yet I live it everyday, it is just yesterday brings it more to the forefront, where you live every minute and recall every detail of the most horrific day of a parents life ... the day your child dies. Erich Vincent Malone died October 16, 2005 and yesterday marked the 5 years. Wow, 5 years, it cannot be five years since I have hugged him and heard his laughter and his voice; the smell of his hair, the beeping of his ventilator. How can it be five years that my son has not lived with me and been a part of our lives. He has missed so much. My daughter wrote a beautiful and sad blog yesterday about him. If you have a chance you should read it at: asweetamericanhoney.blogspot.com

It was the most beautiful post and so personal.

It is not right to have a child taken from you ... there is nothing right about the timing. Life is not suppose to be about grieving for your child, my son Erich. It changes a mom, forever. And not necessarily for the good. It brings upon a sadness that never seems to go away. My two daughters say I have changed alot, that I am not the same person. I do not remember what that person was. I do not think she exists anymore. We all are the result of our experiences in life and how can I be the same after Erich died.I do try and I try real hard to be happy for them and the mom they knew, but they still say I am not. I do not know what to do to make them happy. I do not know what to do to regain our relationship and make a family again. People always tell me that God has a plan for us all that it was Erich's time ... but look what he did to our family. How can that be for the good. He gave me more than I can handle this time ... more than I know what to do with. I am told also to go back to church to build a realtionship with God, but how when I still have so much anger towards him. Our lifes were not suppose to turn out like this. I had three beautiful smart and happy children and when one goes away the happiness that once was goes with it. We all try real hard in our own way to get through each day with out Erich, some days easier than others, but always, each day there is someone so important in our lifes missing.

It is impossible to regain what we had .. I would give my life to have Erich back with his sisters, they need him and they miss him so terribly much.

I will try harder ... for Erich and for my girls.

2 comments:

Lindsay said...

hi momma...i thought you were going to be a little upset with my post because it was very personal and honest. i actually meant to delete it but i completely forget yesterday.
you know i love you so so much, but life has been pretty hard for us too. no matter where we live, we will always be close and love each other just as much. erich is watching over us and will make sure we are in contact NO MATTER what cities we live in.
just remember you are an amazing wonderful momma, we just went thru some shitty times and are all still learning to cope. i just pray you remember us and try to be happy for us. the happiest i have seen you is the week before the wedding and the day of. you were shining :) and that made me SO extremely happy words cannot even explain it. to see you like that everyday would be a gift for aarika and i. i love you momma

Angela said...

Sharon, just a few thoughts... take it or leave it. Maybe you are looking at this the wrong way. Did God take Erich? The way the world works is not the way God first intended. Man screwed that up, and so we suffer here on earth. I once heard a speaker say, "Why doesn't God do something about suffering? He DID." If you think about it, God lost a son too. Actually, God willingly gave His Son to die at the hands of people who would not even appreciate or accept such a gift. So I think if anyone understands how you feel (certainly not I, and God forbid that I ever do), it's God. 1 Cor. 10:13 might help. Also, not that it is Scripture or even close, but the book THE SHACK is a fictional story that deals with losing someone and the grieving process, blaming God, etc. If you haven't read it, I have a copy you are welcome to. Hope this helps... and you are in my prayers.